thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
