do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
