I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
