i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
