I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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