You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
