I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
