She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
