no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
