Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
