Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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