Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you inspire me to be a worse person
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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