I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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