the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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