im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
