this beer tastes like vomit already
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
