so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
