What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
