I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
