Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
