party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
