I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
