just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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