If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize