i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
