guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
