life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
