Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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