How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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