Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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