i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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