Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
