Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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