my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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