How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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