I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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