Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
