i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
