Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
