I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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