Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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