i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
