If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
