I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this just has baby written all over it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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