Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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