When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
