he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
