were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
