so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
