Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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