he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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