You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
