How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
