Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
