ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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