We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
