we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
