smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
