I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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