Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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