I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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