I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
