I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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