I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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