I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
