I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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