well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She announced her abortion via fbk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
