that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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