i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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