The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
