Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
