Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
