i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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