I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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